2026 - 04 08 - Stuck Energy

Wednesday, April 8th, 2026

2026 - 04 08

9:24 AM

"Stuck Energy"

There's some kind of "stuck" energy or something. I have to get it out. 

I think they knew I was mostly a writer. That's why they all act so weird. 

They KNOW I'm going to notice people acting weird. 

That's the point, I guess... Their logic is, if you perceive people as bad, then that's badness inside me that I'm projecting out onto them, so I have to make sure I deal with that and handle it. 

They are sworn to secrecy, because, I guess that's part of the ritual. I am the lore master. They made me the lore master. They want me to share what it looks like from my point of view. 

Anyone can be a friend or a foe depending on how you look at it. 

Almost. 

Some people do blatantly evil things. But maybe they're being forced to do those evil things. Maybe they're just too afraid to be honest or to stand up and do the difficult thing. 

Who knows?

All you can do is take your own actions. 

You might never know what the hell is up with people. Your "best friends." Even your "family." You might never really know. So why bother thinking about stuff like that?

Writers can get stuck in their head. Stuck in a character. Which character? Maybe the hero, the villain, the anti-hero. Every day a new version of me. Are each of these a different character in the story I'm meant to make? Not necessarily based on actual people in my real life, but different sides of my "self?" 

Maybe. 

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Why think about it?

Because it's fun. Because I choose to. 

I like puzzles. I like mysteries. I like a good ol' conspiracy theory. I like stories. I like connecting dots. 

We're all connected, after all- are we not? 

All united under God?

Right folks?

Praise be to Allah!

Amen.

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Some parents failures seem so astronomical, it feels intentional. Like they were scientists just doing experiments on their own children. 

It feels like a whole generation, maybe multiple, were neglected, ignored, locked in pods. Just like in the Matrix. Just like the man-monster hybrids in the pods at the Nibelheim Mako reactor. Being a neglected, ignored child, with no one to give them company or raise them besides the television and the internet--- it's just like being trapped in those pods.

And you may very well end up going crazy, becoming a monster-- being raised by television, being raised by social media, being raised by "the internet," instead of your parents, your family, your community. 

What the fuck did you all think you was gonna happen? 

Now the children have smart devices, there's high definition porno freely available to them, ready to hijack their dopamine system and fuck up their brain and therefore their lives. Just like me at 10 years old. Porn alone mimics the effects of heroin, it lights up similar neural pathways. 

But of course. All they did was shame us. 

"What's with your greed and your pride! Your mother would be disgusted seeing you look at this stuff! Women think this stuff is nasty."

Shame and guilt is all they know. 

It's literally the only tool in their toolbox. 

How tremendously sad for them. And what a blessing it is, for me, for you, for everyone who is able to see that, and for everyone who has the emotional intelligence and self awareness to not be like that. 

Don't judge others for not being at the same level as you.

You might end up feeling ashamed of them--- because they can't even do the most basic self reflection or take responsibility for their failures--- be careful-- don't end up becoming the monster, now shaming them. 

It didn't feel good when others induced shame in you for things you literally couldn't help. So. Don't become like them. 

You are the greater man, so your role is to uplift others. Show them that they can do it, too. They can rise just like you. They can grow. They can mature. 

But many will reject all that. Might even lash out to avoid feeling inferior. 

You can't save anyone, they have to choose better for themselves. Can't force anyone else to wear the magic glasses the universe puts on you. Can't take 'em off. 

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What if 2 people loved each other more than anything but they both knew they weren't ready for that level of love?

Like, this is someone you could be with for the rest of your life, easily. And vice versa.

I think, if it's the right person, you would know. They would know...

But don't timelines just not line up, sometimes?

If some guy's dad just stepped on a landmine and blew up, don't you think that guy would be bummed? So if he met a potential soulmate, obviously he's going to be all bent out of shape, messed up, broken. So 2 soul mates could potentially cross paths, but because of life hardships, nothing is really able to come of it. There's just too much trauma, damage, pain, really for ANY love to come through. Whether it's with a soul mate, or even a friend, or whatever it could be.

Sometimes life is cruel like that.

The best thing you can do, is take care of yourself, get healthy, try to get in the best state you can get. Improve your life. Fix those little issues in the background, hiding in the shadows, of your life. Sometimes you can have like 5,000 "small" things that are fucked up in your life-- death by 5,000 cuts-- and that drains your energy in the background, all day, everyday. Fix that shit. 

So the next time you come across such a person. You'll be able to be your best self, like you know you normally could. Like you know you want to. And if you come across someone special, you won't have regrets. If they don't like you, you won't have to worry that it's something about you. Or worry, if only I wasn't so messed up, maybe I could have shown this person what I'm really made of. Maybe I could have done this, done that. 

They say the definition of hell is meeting some alternate version of yourself who accomplished all your dreams. I think a fucking jealous, insecure, cowardly ass bitch made up that stupid quote. Like so many other "great quotes," some are just idiotic.

I've met PLENTY of people who have "accomplished" dreams that "I" had, I feel fucking happy for them. I think it's awesome. Why would other people being happy upset me?

So many quotes and false wisdom from so many stupid people throughout history. We need to scrub some of these useless phrases.

But I tell you what. Meeting someone who feels like a soul mate, when you're messed up. That does feel bad. It's like Heaven being dangled right in front of you-- and you KNOW you can rise up to the occasion, you KNOW you are ready to receive and to give, but--- you're just too messed up, somehow. Sometimes maybe some of it is your fault. Sometimes, maybe none of it's your fault. Family and friends dying. It's going to mess anyone up. It's not your fault. 

But. That's part of growing up, maturing, evolving. Not beating yourself up about things. 

I have a lot of talents. I have a lot of skills.

But I suppose the pressure of life... Even if it's... artificial, fake pressure induced by some all powerful entity... The pressure, I guess, "reveals" the "real" you. I think that's what these people think, and maybe they're right. 

I may have musical talent, I might love rapping, singing, writing lyrics. But that pain in my solar plexus, man. The nightmares every night... I only really enjoyed making music from a place of fun, spontaneity, freedom within myself.

The words come out of me through writing-- that seems to be the only way, at this time.

Part of growing up is letting go of what isn't working. That doesn't mean forever necessarily, but maybe it does-- the point is, I have a talent for writing, and I enjoy doing it. It's fulfilling just by itself. So. I'm gonna keep doing that.

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