i am dead inside, for life.

I want everyone to know that i give up.

A survival mechanism i invented when i was little was to simply go inside myself. Because i wasn't accepted anywhere. 

Before lifting the weights, before learning the social skills, before reading all those self help books. I simply could basically turn myself off. Like a robot. Become numb. 

I am doing that now, until the day i die. Disconnecting from my heart, just existing. 

My choice was taken from me.

It will be over a year since I've had my daughter taken from me. And it seems like I'm not going to get split custody, for no reason, i guess. 

I can't believe people have watched me go through this. I really can't. 

None of you are my friends. I don't trust any of you. 

Men- don't date women. Don't pro-create. They are gods in this country, your child is their property. If you want to die inside, then ignore what I'm saying. This is a worse hell than i could have imagined.

To slave away for that cunt for years, keeping my head down, not trying to upset her, always supporting her, giving her every dime i have. Always being there for my daughter no matter what.

There is no art coming. There's no book coming. There's no song coming. Ever. I give up that aspect of myself forever. It's worthless. 

I will exist as a shell of who I really am, of what I could have been. 

I'll never step foot in a church for as long as I live. I'll never forgive any of you for what you did to me and therefore my daughter.

How no one has a conscience about any of this at all is fucking crazy to me. 

This is goodbye. To my real self, anyway. 

Christianity is a cult. Their priests rape little boys then relocate the priests to protect their identities. Yeshua spits on your grave, he would hate you so much. Stop looking for a super hero to save you and grow up. 

I will show you the power of indifference, numbness, neglect. I'll show you the power of not caring. None of you care about me and my daughter, oh well. The feeling is mutual. 

I'm gone. Enjoy the husk!

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