i got a couch

I'm very happy with this couch. I can sleep in this room now. Hell yeah. 

One of my aunts seems to have cancer. Another one. She might come here. I seem to be surrounded by death all the time, always up close and personal with it, my entire life. I can't get away from it. This is no offense to her, love my aunt, I hope she recovers and nothing bad happens. It's just. The reality. I'm always around someone whose dying. 

While I'm alone. Friends are just "busy." Or not interested or drifted apart. 

I really tried to not get down on myself, not get discouraged, and be a part of my friends lives again. People are full of shit. They always love to say "I'm here for you bro."

They'd all be there to cry at your funeral. But won't raise a finger to help you while you're alive. Even when you explain it all out to them. 

They're turning into the people I have complained about... Guess that's getting older. Everyone slowly sequesters themself off into their own little private universe. Not giving a fuck about anyone outside of their little world. 

Which is fine, right?

The problem lies in them SAYING they're not like that. Saying they care. 

I guess I came to this planet to learn about the power of lying. That seems to be everyone's favorite activity here. 

When you've lived a life like mine. Being treated the way I've been treated. You just kinda realize. These people don't give a fuck about you. They have bizarre rules. They make up new rules as they go along. And they will throw you under the bus, just for their own convenience. They move the goal post. They confuse you on purpose.

I don't appreciate you people watching me. I really don't. I don't appreciate you treating this group harassment thing like it's some funny joke. I don't understand what you freaks want from me, or how to make it stop. 

What's the point of going outside? You think I'm stupid? Like I can't hear what you're saying about me? You're like 2 feet from me, you fucking retard. It's very cute, tee hee. 

Yes, I see you pointing your camera at me from your car. Zippidy fuckin doo dah, the fuck am I supposed to do with this reality? What do you people want from me?

I didn't do anything wrong to anyone. 

Why the fuck is this cunt bullyv allowed to stalk me? My ex. Why? Haven't you people watched me long enough to see that there's nothing to see?

I hate how I feel like I can't be myself, with just myself, anymore. I can't try new things, I'm too self conscious, wondering whose listening, whose judging. It killed my creativity. The only thing that feels safe is expressing anger. 

Everything else... every other form of expression. I just can't get it out anymore. It makes me so mad. I shouldn't have to live like this. 

In response to this reality, to this trauma, to this abuse, I have changed. 

I miss who I used to be. 

Nothing could bring me down before. 

Not poverty, not never being loved by any women in my life, ever--- constantly being overlooked or cheated on, pushed away, no matter how much I did for them. Work. Nothing. I always found a way through. I always broke through. 

I was always positive. I always was the one to get people together, to go and actually do things. 

No one's there for me now. It's crazy.

I've changed. I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't know what I like. What I dislike. I'm just a prisoner. Jailed for committing no crime. For nothing. 

Handling people's demons for them my whole fucking life. This is what I get after a lifetime of that bullshit?

I've checked out. If my cunt ex has the power to watch any and everything I do, and this piece of shit country and it's piece of shit laws will just villainize me instantly for no reason, and take my child from me, then I'm out. I just don't care. 

There's no point in trying anything or hoping for anything. If ALL my fucking friends can just straight up lie to me, be misled about me, not give a fuck about me being in hell, then why would I ever waste my time trying to make friends, ever again. Why. 

If even fucking therapists are willing to lie to me, to protect their own ass, after years of working together, then what's the point? 

I didn't do anything to anyone. I don't know what benefit people are getting for hurting me, but oh well. 

God is within me. And he's fucking pissed. He's been with me the entire time. He can't believe the way you all have treated me. 

But you scumbags will always justify what you've done. You'll even try to claim it was God's will, to hurt me. Get fucked. 

Fuck all of your worthless cults. They keep you cowardly and weak. Following the herd. Unable to think and act on your own free will. Like my bitch ass uncle and cunt traitor cousin. Both of you will face horrible, horrible deaths, mark my words. My grandparents and sister are so disgusted by you. 

I cough a lot. There's liquid in my lungs. Maybe I have COPD. That's a death sentence. After hanging out with my nephew, I decided to quit any form of smoking. For a while. Or maybe forever, I don't know. 

I tried to keep myself high, to keep myself in a "fun" positive mood. I didn't want to be myself--- because, my normal regular self, upon realizing I'm being watched--- and stalked and all that... I knew it would make me mad... Terrified... unhappy... it would make me want to solve the problem. Which just seemed impossible. 

So i figured, hey, i went to the cops, i went here and there, no one cares, the cops are complicit and know about it. 

So these are what. The same people who. Did what. The McMartin school shit. So it's all true? The spooky underground kingdom. They're so tough and bad ass they can't even face me like a man. They can't face anything. They're slaves, just as much as anyone else, but I bet they view themselves as "the free people."

You're not free. You're cowards. And I don't respect you. 

Not that the magical happy upper faggy kingdom is any better. 

You're all weak. You're all PUSSIES!!!!!

We're all the same... what do you see when you look at me. 

I've seen your eyes get big with fear. 

I was used to that...

But since November 2024. It's like. It's like you love me but you don't want to say it. 

I don't get it.

I go out in public and try not to care. It's crazy. Let's pick on the guy with anxiety and all these mental issues that I've kept very well managed, until 2025 I guess. 

And you all say it's all my fault... You don't get it... I was never going to shrug off being watched or stalked or anything like that.... I was NEVER going to shrug that off. 

My way of fighting back doesn't look like yours. I'm not quick. I'm not rash. I've seen what you all are made of. I've seen you literally will not stand up for what's right, no matter what. I've seen it. I know what I'm dealing with now. The cowardice is off the charts. 

My body will heal... Unless it's already too late, unless I've already damaged myself too much, I will continue to recover. I will not harm myself or others. I have no desire to do such a thing. 

But I see how you freaks do that shit. What is it. Some kind of revenge against white people thing? Brainwash the lonely mentally ill males among them... maybe even brainwash them to commit violent crimes...

So how many of those white male school shooters were brainwashed by freaks like you? How many?

Why do you think EVERY TIME there's a shooting:

"The suspect was known to the FBI."

Sounds like some kinda anti white vengeance scheme. That's what it seems like. 

My uncle let his baby daughter get molested for 10 years by J**n Z****a. He said meh maybe she liked it because he pussed out and did nothing about it. He's a bitch. He stole pain pills from his own dying mother. He's a worthless drug addict little bitch. 

I just love emphasizing that. Christ hates him. He should use his gold Trump gun on himself. And don't miss on purpose this time and shoot your condo wall, pussy.

How there isn't an army behind me supporting me is beyond me. That's sort of why I'm done talking and expressing. 

The world has spoken. The people I've spent my life standing up for have spoken. With your silence, you've spoken. 

I guess that's it 🤷‍♂️