lifelong depression was bad enough

But the whole world standing and watching it happen, while pretending they aren't, 

For whatever stupid fucking reason, 

That's just another level of cruelty. 

I've been through depressive episodes, more than any of you, and I always got through them on my own. 

This is different. This is just sick. 

I'm not doing anything special, ever, out of protest. I refuse to play along with this. 

The only thing I'm going to do is not end my life early. 

I'm not doing anything else, anytime soon. I'm not going to try to impress any of you. You don't know how these things work. 

You see. I put all of my self out there. I left it all out on the field. I did that because I thought all of the illegal nonsense that was happening to me was leading up to something good. Because I'm a positive person who has faith. More faith than any of you.

Most of you would have gone fucking crazy if you went through what I went through. You and your fucking secret fight club no talking coward bullshit. 

I continuously engaged because it appeared there wasn't going to be any justice for me. Even the cops would acknowledge they knew what I was talking about, and I wasn't lying, but it was like even they were afraid. 

I never thought there'd be so many cowards. I never imagined reality could be this bad. But it is. So many people conspiring against an innocent little girl's father. 

It didn't do anything. But disappoint me. Immensely. You're not getting anything special out of me, for hurting me. What kind of logic would that be?

What kind of person would I be? To reward the world for harming me? I'd rather die. 

I simply exist now. I want nothing. I never will, again. That's all you're going to get from me. I promise you that. There's nothing you can do to change me. You won't succeed. 

What an incredibly evil world this is. What an incredibly evil species. Perhaps it should all end. Perhaps you all have gone too far. 

You can do all this to an innocent man, an innocent little girl. But you can't do anything about the elite pedo's who are torturing and eating babies? Oh okay. Makes sense, somehow. 

Evidently the creatures on this planet are just cruel for the sake of cruelty. That's all I can say for my report.

If I tap into my emotions at all, all I feel is rage. Uncontrollable rage, that gets nothing done. Speaking the truth has ruined my life. Being honest has ruined my life. Putting myself out there has ruined my life. 

I thought emotions mattered. I think they do, in normal circumstance where you don't get sacrificed and picked on by a whole bunch of evil pieces of shit. But if you find yourself in these circumstances. I don't know. Good luck. 

Is this really what the rest of my life is going to be like?

That's why I'm telling you. No accomplishment can make THIS feel okay. I am in Hell. No amount of money can fix this. 

I miss feeling alone. I miss my privacy. I miss feeling safe. I miss feeling safe to express myself without feeling self conscious. 

So. I will simply reiterate this until the day I die. Just like Rosa Parks sitting on the bus. Just like plenty of other people protesting. I simply refuse to engage with life and society, until society decides to step up and do the right thing. 

It's not on ME to "do something."

It's on YOU all.

I've done more than enough. My entire life of service to others. Sacrificing for others. Especially my daughter's mother. Especially for my daughter. The blood sweat and tears.

For me, this is the end of the story. This is my last stand. I refuse to kill myself. And going out and climbing some mountain would be another form of killing myself. I've already done that, a million fucking times in my life. I was never some loser who sat around. No the fuck I wasn't. 

But this?

What even is this?

None of you have been through anything like this. And if you have, you should've made some noise about it and tried to do something about it, cause I've never heard of shit like this happening. 

Or you just fell in line with your bullies and convinced yourself it was all for your own good. You became cowards yourselves. 

Since I know no one will do the right thing. It's going to be a long, cold, Grey several decades of loneliness. I'm smiling inside. Because I didn't cave. I didn't let you freaks change me. 

I think what i hate most about you people is when you do bad things, and you say God wanted it to happen this way. No, bitch, YOU wanted it to happen this way. Don't bring God into your dumb ass bullshit. 

Enjoy the rain. Enjoy the silence. Enjoy the cold. Enjoy the dark. 

It is precisely what you've asked for.