"speak your truth"

I did.... over and over. I cried real tears. 

I don't fuck with any of you. I don't know what I did to any of you to deserve this shit. I will never be able to be happy again. I accept that now. I can't be happy in a world that will literally just randomly break rules to kill me at any moment. 

You took my child from me. No actual judge would have ruled that punishment for a parent being depressed from their family and friends dying. There's no way. I don't get how any of you can live with yourselves. You wanna play God so fucking bad you've turned into the Devil. 

It's fuck all of you for life. All you celebrities, all you musicians, and definitely my community, and my estranged former "family members."

This is what y'all do to someone minding their fucking business, not bothering anyone?

I was my own person. I had my own voice. You want a new Eminem so fucking bad you're willing to make me go fucking crazy in the process? Let's see if we can make him angry. You did. But I'm my own person. Im a completely different person. One that you all, i guess, have decided isn't worth shit, as I was. 

How many people can be in on this bullshit and feel no remorse? 

What's my fucking crime? Being too God damn nice?

What IS this?

Do I seem like the kind of person who wants fame, attention, any of that?

All of you mother fuckers said fame was hell. Why would I want that?

I kind of realize none of this is about "helping" me. 

YOU all look at me and see dollar signs, so YOU want to manipulate me to do what YOU want. This is about what YOU evil mother fuckers want, not me. What kinda shit is this. What about all those starving artists out there struggling to make it, for the past 5, 10, 20 years? The ones who grew up in impoverished areas dealing with racism their whole life?

I'm supposed to feel special that some mother fuckers want to grab me and put me to the front of the line, just skipping over everybody else?

I'm gonna be hated no matter what the fuck I do. I just want my daughter back. 

I can't believe you all would stoop so low. I can't believe it. 

My life is not my own. I accept that now. I'm a puppet. So resisting doing my little puppet song and puppet dance is pointless.

I see it now. When you all find someone who you deem as pure hearted. That's just a green light for you to possess them. You call them empty. They must be, right, why else are they so easily influenced. Because most people ignore them. All of a sudden, they're getting attention, it's more attention than they've ever gotten in their entire lives. 

You all LIKE these people, you can use them for your own purposes. Their parents don't protect them or bother raising them. 

You've taken everything from me. Or, you've watched everything get taken from me, and stood idly by, when at any moment you could have helped. It's like you're just watching a year long slow motion head on collision you could easily stop. I don't know how you mother fuckers live with yourselves. 

So now I have to have beef with everyone. Because who cares at this fucking point. Nothing matters. I can't just live a happy life, ever again, because of you people. 

You people. All of you. You all rejected me. And I read the self help books, I worked on myself, and I did my best to assimilate into society and contribute as best as I could. And that's exactly what the fuck i was doing. I was a great father. I worked hard. 

So what the fuck was the problem? What did I do that angered you all so much? Or made you feel justified in treating a random innocent man like this? A little girls dad? 

I'm never backing down, I'm right, you mother fuckers are sick. You're not getting off with the fucking "durrr your demons are actually your angels" Jacob's ladder bullshit. Fuck you. Be a better person. 

Happiness isn't possible for me anymore. So I guess I'm "free." To do anything. Except I don't feel free at all. I feel tired. I feel numb. 

I can't believe I avoided suicide my entire life, just to end up in a living hell, worse than anything i could have imagined. 

"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem"

I can say with full confidence, I should've done it. To my younger self. You were right. You called it. During those suicide attempts. You were right. All these fucking people were wrong. Saying things will work out some day. Saying it'll all make sense some day. 

Like. Holy shit. That theory turned out to be completely fucking wrong. 

Fuck all of you